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In Memory of Betsy Mae Butler
From the moment we learned our first child was going to be a girl, we dreamed of pink dresses, dance recitals, and softball games. We thought about hundreds of name combinations, and we fell in love with Betsy Mae.
Would Betsy Mae have bright blue eyes like her mommy or dark brown eyes like her dada? Would she have light hair or dark hair? Would it be curly or straight? Would she go to college on a softball, soccer, basketball, or academic scholarship? Would she grow up to be a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, or a journalist?
Those were the types of questions we thought  about just like every parent likely does. Never once did the thought cross our minds that we’d never get to hear her cry, change a diaper, or even see the color of her eyes. We knew nothing about stillbirth. We never knew anyone who had a baby that was stillborn, and the thought of it happening to us never occurred.
We had what seemed like an ideal pregnancy. But after nearly 38 weeks of buildup, all our hopes and dreams were crushed in what seemed like the blink of an eye.
We went to the Emergency Room on New Year’s Eve 2011 after noticing Betsy hadn’t kicked or moved since we had woken up. They put us in a room where a nurse would listen for her heartbeat. She couldn’t find it right away and continued to search for what seemed like an eternity. With each second that passed, our hearts sank lower and lower. You could see the panic on the nurse’s face, and I think we both knew we had lost Betsy, but we didn’t want to believe it. Time stood still and then a doctor came in to confirm our worst nightmare had come true.
The next 24 hours were quite possibly the worst 24 hours of our lives. We would go through delivery just as if everything was normal. But knowing your baby would be born and not crying and kicking and screaming is a feeling that is unfathomable. Unfortunately, it’s a feeling that far too many people have had to experience.
New Year’s Eve is supposed to be a happy time of celebration. But rather than a time to celebrate, that New Year’s Eve in 2011 was the day that our lives were forever changed. Our sweet Betsy Mae was born on January 1, 2012. Every year on New Year’s Day, we celebrate her birthday with a cake, balloons, and presents. She weighed 6 lbs 10 oz and was 20 inches. She was beautiful, and we held her as long as we could. We baptized her. We made molds of her hands and feet, and we will always cherish them. We literally held an angel in our arms.
 Since losing Betsy, we’ve been blessed with two more beautiful daughters. But without question, Betsy Mae will always be just as much a part of our family as our other two daughters.
Thousands of families are affected by stillbirth every year. In the United States alone, about 26,000 babies are stillborn every year. This amounts to over 70 babies every day. Recent studies suggest that anywhere between 1 in 115 and 1 in 160 babies will be stillborn. These statistics are staggering and horrific!
It is our hope that with increased awareness, education, and research, these numbers can significantly decrease. We wish that nobody would ever have to experience what we experienced losing Betsy Mae. We strongly encourage you to do anything you can to support our cause. Nobody ever thinks something like this could happen to them until it does. Thank you for reading our story and thank you for anything you can do to support stillbirth prevention and education.
With love,
The Butler Family - TJ, Angie, Lola, Maecy, and our angel, Betsy Mae
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