I am Sarai VanderWood the mother of Addyson Elyzabeth Vanderwood. Addyson is our second child. We were married 7 years before we decided to start trying to have children. We tried for over a year before we conceived Lyam. He was such a blessing in our lives. It was about 2 and 1/2 years later we decided that we would like to try for another child. We got pregnant on the first try. We could not believe it. How was it that this pregnancy came so easy to us. We took it as another blessing that God had given us. We would soon find out that getting pregnant was the easiest part of this journey. The pregnancy did not go with out many worries and tears. I had polyhydramnios which left us with many fears of what could be causing it. Addyson was growing and continued to have a strong heart beat so our prayers were being answered. Our fears were being put to rest due to the positive doctors appointments I kept having. At my last doctors appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine at 38 weeks they told me she looks strong and we should wait until 40 weeks to deliver. I asked to schedule an induction at 40 weeks to have a goal insight of when I would have my little girl in my arms. My induction was scheduled for April 1st at 4 am, yes 4 am bright and early. I had an appointment at 39 weeks with my regular doctor and they again told me her heart beat was strong. I left excited that the next time I would return to the doctors office I would no longer be pregnant and I would have a healthy baby at home. Easter Sunday was a full day of church and family time. I took my last pregnancy picture and posted it on Facebook. Telling everyone that I would be induced tomorrow and that I was ready for Baby Pokey to come into the world. Baby Pokey is the nickname my son had given Addyson from the moment he knew I was pregnant. We’re not sure where he got the nickname from but it has stuck. I remember sitting in church and thinking I have not felt her move in a little while but I was having contractions on and off all night so I assumed she was just slowing down getting ready for labor.
When we arrived at the hospital on April 1st they showed us to our room. They asked me to get changed and get into bed. The nurse would be in, in a moment. When the nurse arrived she strapped the heart monitor around my stomach. That is when my life changed forever. They were unable to find her heart beat. I could not get out of the bed fast enough. I remember asking over and over again Why. Of course no one could answer that question, but I wanted to know why. Why would God take her from me. I prayed so hard that she would be healthy and she was getting so big and strong why would he take her from me. My entire family arrived at the hospital shortly after they heard the news and stayed with me until she was born. The love and support I received from my family is what got me through that terrible day.
When I got home I had many people reach out to me and explain they had been through this, and if I wanted to talk they would be there. That is when I realized this happens more then anyone really knows. Prior to my daughters death I had never heard of stillbirth. I had heard of miscarriage, but once I got past 12 weeks and I heard that heartbeat for the first time I thought I was in the clear. Once I got to 37 weeks I thought that I would have a healthy baby to bring home. More babies are lost to stillbirth then SIDS every year, 1 in 160 pregnancy end in stillbirth. Over half of all stillbirths are undetermined in the cause of death. We are still not sure what caused Addyson’s death.
When I got home from the hospital I continued to ask why. What did God want me to get out of this experience. How can I make a difference from this tragedy. How can I bring fame to my daughters name so that she will never be forgotten. This is every mothers fear that has lost a child, is that they will be forgotten. I decided that I wanted to organize a 5k run to benefit stillbirth education and research. I chose to align with the Star Legacy Foundation because their dedication to stillbirth awareness, research, education & prevention are exactly what I believe needs to be done. I want to reduce, if not eliminate the amount of people that have to go through this horrible tragedy. I do not want to be silent, I want people to know my story and hope that it helps other families. It feels like until it happens to you, you don’t know it even exists. It is a secret club that no one wants to be a part of. My hope is that if I break the silence then maybe we can change it. We need to ban together and not let it be OK that we don’t know why this happens. Stillbirths are preventable. We need to continue to research the causes so we can eliminate them. Think about where SIDS was 30 years ago to where it is now. Those Mothers broke the silence and made a difference. Everyone has heard of SIDS and how to prevent it but who has heard about stillbirth and what you can do to prevent it? That is what I want to change.
I want to thank everyone for the love and support they have shown our family. I know that I am the only one that was blessed enough to feel Addyson move, but I know that she has impacted everyone’s life that she touches. She is in heaven looking down on us and she is so proud of what we are trying to do.
With love
Sarai Vanderwood
