Everything in the universe, from the tiniest mote of dust to the vastest galaxy is bound by the law of nature to change in one way or another. I know that even the will of man, myself included is powerless against that ubiquitous force.
There will never come a day, hour, minute or second I stop loving or thinking about William. It's an ongoing battle to balance the pain and guilt of outliving my son with the desire to live in a way that honors him. Through this difficult journey of unimaginable pain, suffering and sorrow from which I claw my way out of again and again, I find myself thankful. Yes, thankful – as strange as that may seem. It has given me a different perspective about life. When the joy comes, however and whenever it does – it is a joy that reverberates through every ounce of my being. I feel all of it, deeply: the love, the grief, the joy, the pain. I embrace it and am thankful for it. My life now is more rich and vibrant and full, not despite my loss, but because of it. In grief there are gifts and William brings those gifts to me and gives me strength. These gifts don’t make it all “okay”, but I am grateful beyond words for each and every one that comes my way and say thank you, thank you, thank you, because there is absolutely nothing I take for granted. Being William's mom is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given. Even death can’t take that away.